The North Carolina Grand Prix in Hendersonville had always been my race. The course
suited my skills, the environment was good, and it was on my home soil. Prior to the race, I had
not had a very good 2023 season. I wasn’t really enjoying myself, I wasn’t racing as much, and I
wasn’t getting the results I wanted. I also found out I was anemic, which means the iron levels in
my blood were too low, making it harder for oxygen to get transported into my bloodstream. I
felt tired at every single race, as if I was surviving rather than actually racing and strategizing.
However, I thought Hendersonville will be good, Hendersonville is always good. We pulled up
to the venue to ride the course the day before, and one of my favorite features on the course was
gone. The part of the course I was so good at, where I made some of my best passes… gone. The
course had been rerouted. Disappointment washed over me, and I had this feeling of dread that
the race would be different this year. It was silly that one thing got to me so much, but after a
string of disappointment, small things were weighing on me more. But, my dreaded feeling was
right. I didn’t do how I wanted at all, and after a season of constantly not doing how I wanted, I
had had it. We came back to our Airbnb and I told my parents I didn’t want to race anymore. My
dad reiterated what he had always told me, that he knew that I was great, but I just needed to flip
this switch. But, I felt like I would never be able to find it, so I was done. I started to believe I
couldn’t do it anymore. I raced the next day and my result was the same, and I was just as
disappointed. That year, I didn’t race nationals, and that was my last cyclocross race of the
season.
Around that same time, I started to work with a mental strength coach. It took a few
sessions for things to really sink in, but within a few weeks I started to notice a difference.
Mountain bike season went by, and I felt like I was bouncing back from bad results a lot faster.
The iron supplements I was taking started to do their job, and I was feeling less tired. I was
training more hours, and was enjoying being on my bike again. Going into the 2024 cyclocross
season, I was extremely motivated. I was ready to get off the mountain bike and start a new
season. It also helped that I was now old enough to get a shot at racing internationally, and I was
ready to soak up whatever advice and mentorship I could get to be able to race overseas. I
attended the Eurocross Academy summer camp, which is a student athlete program designed to
help develop junior cyclocross riders on their journey from national to international racing. I also
attended my own team camp, which was filled with some great learning experiences as well. I
went into the season feeling ready and excited. I felt like a completely new racer, and I was ready
to do whatever I could to achieve my goals.
My first race was the Blue Ridge GoCross. It is generally the first UCI (Union Cycliste
Internationale) cyclocross race of the season, so it was my season opener. I woke up that
morning, ate my breakfast, and headed to the course, nervous, but ready to race. I warmed up,
staged, and lined up to start the race. The whistle went off, and my immediate thought was oh no,
I can’t do this for 45 minutes. I could tell something was wrong. I was redlining fast, I felt tired,
and was getting tunnel vision. I finished the race and felt like I couldn’t stand up. I was dizzy,
hot, tired, but mostly disappointed. I felt like it was about to be another season of disappointing
results. I started to have those same feelings I had the previous year, but instead of it consuming
me, I focused on the facts. Something I had learned from working with my mental strength
coach. I knew that even on a bad day, I didn’t have tunnel vision, something was clearly wrong,
and we just needed to figure out what. My mom diagnosed it as low-blood sugar. So we decided
that I would eat more breakfast, and see what happens. I ate more, and was ready to give things a
second try. The whistle went off again and I knew right away things were better. I felt strong, I
felt different, and I felt good. When I finished my race I was almost in tears. I was laughing and
smiling and hugged my dad. To add to my excitement, I was four minutes faster and 5 places
higher. But even bigger, I knew something had changed. I started to think I had finally flipped
that switch. It wasn’t just a good race, it was a change in character. I proved to myself I could do
it, and I knew this season would be different.
So far in the 2024 season, I have had some more of some of the best races of my entire
life. Don’t get me wrong, there have been bad races too, but they don’t affect me like they used
to. I don’t feel like I’m just surviving anymore. I have thoughts during my races now of I think
I’m actually having fun, even if it is a twisted, cyclocross, muddy, messy kind of fun. Even if it
was just 24 hours, that race showed me the difference a day truly can make.
