Hadley Molnar: Try (Kings Cross)
I had my first UCI race of the season at Cincinnati, Ohio. This race was not supposed to
be my first and I was supposed to be prepared for it. However, four weeks prior to Kings
Cross I crashed. During those weeks I was not able to bend my knee. I couldn’t walk
right, and I couldn’t pedal a bike even if I tried. It was hard to miss out on the other
races because I had been preparing for the cyclocross season all summer. It was
disappointing to put it in a kind way. I understand now though that waiting let’s time
pass and time can be healing. So, after some time passed, I was mostly healed and I
thought I would try to race at Kings Cross.
When you are not prepared for something, it is scary, and I was not prepared to race. It
felt a little like when you forget to study for a test, so you have it in your head that you
are going to fail. I wasn’t concerned as much about failing because what is wrong with
failure? You make the effort to try, and you get it wrong. Is that failure? I think a bigger
mistake would be that you didn’t even try. Perhaps failure is when you don’t give
yourself the chance to learn and grow. So, I guess my goal was to learn that weekend. I
just wanted to feel what it felt like to race again, and I didn’t want to miss out anymore.
I had raced at the Cincinnati venue twice before. It has always been one of my favorites
because it has a cool name, Kings, that’s not the only reason it’s my favorite but it’s
definitely a contributing factor. Kings as in royalty, but the day that I arrived I didn’t feel
like any form of royalty. I remember being able to smile because I was happy to be
there, but I also remember holding back the feeling of embarrassment. My mind kept on
asking me, why am I here? Like I said, I was unprepared. I knew I was not going to do
as well as everyone else, but I wanted to. I wanted to be ready. I wanted to be on the
same level as everyone else. I was embarrassed and I was upset that I couldn’t be at
my best.
Being physically not ready and mentally not ready is hard when showing up to anything.
In spite of that feeling, I thought to myself, well, I am here. I am at this race right now. I
am at Kings right now. I made it to this point. Four weeks ago I was unsure if I would
heal in time to make it, but I did.
When I finished the weekend of racing I felt embarrassed, slow, and a bit of a failure,
but I tried. I think I also learned a few things. I learned that a setback doesn’t stop you
from moving forward, and I learned that it is important to understand that the choices
one makes are what determines their future. I think now I will choose to keep training
and keep trying because I want to be ready for the rest of the year to come. Kings was
one of the first races back and it was most certainly not one of the last.
I am always more than grateful that I get to do this amazing sport.
