As I followed the wheels of my teammates blindly through the Zolder pre-ride, I nearly
rode into the drop-in of the sand hill with a nasty unpredictable rut. My teammates rode down it
unstably and blindly, just managing to stay upright. Locking sight with the descent from the back
of the group took me by surprise. I stopped just in time to catch myself, just before I would have
to commit. I moved to the side thinking I was lucky to have caught myself. My coach and
teammates looked for me at the bottom, but I was still stuck at the top. I told myself I was ready
and everything would be fine, but my body was frozen. I was scared of it, the possibility of a bad
wreck, the rut, the crowd judging me. “I can’t do it,” I motioned down to my coach.
Having no choice but to ride it, I blinked away nervous tears. I heard a voice next to me,
“it's okay to be scared, you can do it.” I looked over to see a stern looking spectator motioning to
me. “But you have to commit from back there,” he pointed up the hill. “Once you get your wheel
over the edge, you commit.” I looked at him with a nervous expression. “You just have to get
your wheel over the edge,” he said gently to me. “Now go.” I thanked him and walked my bike
up the hill. Taking a deep breath, I knew I had to accept the fear and then let it go. Taking a deep
breath, I clipped in, and approached the long, steep rut. I Inhaled. I peered over the edge from my
bike. I Exhaled. I decided to commit. “Now let go,” the spectator whispered to me as I crossed
the edge. With one foot out, I made it. Though it wasn't the smoothest, I laughed it off and took a
deep breath. “That wasn't so bad.”
Experiencing the kerstperiode was just like hitting the rut, committing and letting go of
your fear. We raced many technical courses all of which had extremes. Some courses you dove
headfirst into deep sand and others you trudged through thick cowfield mud. At Mol, our sand
skills were put to the test. Just trying to keep your momentum was a challenge in itself, though
being hunted down by Lucinda Brand was terrifying. Then we had Loenhout, which was the
exact opposite of Mol, racing through knee deep mud and running about half of the course. After
that came Hulst, again, completely different. Sharp, steep downhills. I remember wrecking into a
post so hard I almost broke a few fingers and landed myself in a Belgian hospital for hours. We
ended the block with Baal, a sketchy, rutted permanent course. After each race I took away the
same thing, you need to commit. Whether it was sand hills, mud bogs, or steep descents, you
needed to commit and ride it like you owned it.
Seven races, fourteen days. Ten athletes in one house. One washer and dryer machine.
Racing everyday or every other day was completely mind bending. I was told to keep everything
organized and in order. I quickly realized my coach was right. This made racing seem like “the
easy part.” After racing and organizing over and over again, I established and perfected my pre
and post race routine which was half the battle of having a successful race. Walking away from
this block, I subconsciously created many healthy habits that I continue to keep doing even after
this racing block ended. The kerstperiode was fast and furious. Just like riding the rut, you didn’t
have time to think. You were already committed, looked forward, and rolled from race to race,
doing what needed to get done with the least amount of stress possible.
Overall, if I had to describe the racing during the kerstperiode I would say it was gnarly,
humbling, inspiring, and just plain out hard. While reflecting on this block, I realized what it
takes to be a cyclocross racer: having courage, having a willingness to suffer, having a curious
and open mindset, being organized, being humble and having gratitude. I've realized that
European racing is just like riding a rut, picking the line, hitting it with confidence that it will
take you where you need, and exiting with more speed and a smooth line. Even though this kind
of racing was extremely difficult and taxing, its true to say that I miss it already. I am eagerly
looking forward to the next season of cyclocross.
